Welcome to the Top 50! This is the part where you’re really happy, or – and this is the usual response – you wish to get motivated. Will I be accurate this year? Or will I be completely off and I get yelled at? Either way, please have fun. And as for my prerequisites…
Style points count.
Keep in mind that with over 200 teams competing (with an increase of teams) this season, this list represents less than the top 25% of the UBA. If you’re on here, consider that some kudos.
If you’re not in the playoffs, you’re not here. Do better next season.
This is for fun. Don’t get salty, get motivated.
Yes, I know there’s districts with byes. And yes, if it’s a close race, sometimes teams will fall out due to said byes. I learned my lesson last year when teams with byes complained about that. When I decided to be nice and rewarded teams with extra spots, said teams didn’t make the playoffs because they didn’t get the points needed when the teams over them had byes and I looked like more of a moron than usual. This season, if you try to use that argument, I will just mention that Nice is a city in France and send you on your way. Deal with it.
In the words of Andre Welbon – many teams here will not be here in August. So just enjoy it. While you can.
If you came in first in a District, I put you in the top, whether I feel you deserved it or not.
There’s over 80 teams that make the playoffs. As you can see above, this is a Top 50. That means over 30 teams who make the playoffs will not be featured here and certain people on social media will whine like a little girl who lost her dog. I deal with it every year. It’s fun.
I love all feedback, so keep it coming 
So here we go with the rankings….
D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. (Was 3)
Them not taking a loss during the whole season puts them here. They are up by 48 over King’s Court…though I noticed that those two teams haven’t played each other yet. That’s going to be one heck of a match up when that time happens.
Hitmen (Was 5)
58-22 for the past 2 tour stops, and with everyone else losing around them, it’s good enough for them to stay in the top 5.
Towne Assassins (Was 9)
Since their last tour stop loss in match #3, the Assassins have gone 180-60 since to take over first place in the Empire district. Getting THIS close to grabbing a playoff spot.
Impact (Was 8)
Sure, it’s against the bottom feeders, but going 139-21 verses said bottom feeders for the past 4 tour stops are things that teams that are in the Top 5 do.
Mad Jokerz (Was 10)
Make it 124-36 for the past 4 tour stops. This should make them happy jokerz and less mad. That being said, they still have work to do so they can’t rest on their laurels.
G.O,A.T. (Was 30)
A 102-18 record during the past three tour stops is nice. Making one of those a 40 piece (which could essentially end the season for their opponents) jumps them into first in the Sandhills and remids the UBA of the old G.O.A.T. team that won the wilder cup around a decade ago. Could taking off a year have been the best restructuring move ever?
Rollin’ Rebels (Was 7)
The wins are nice, and being 56-24 for the past two tour stops is nice, but when the team behind you hits a 40 piece and is 102-18 on their past three tour stops, then nice isn’t nice enough. That’s why G.O.A.T. is now in first and is looking at the Rebels in their rear view mirror.
Royal Flush (Was 19)
Thanks to Project Mayhem’s 38-2 dismantling of Release the Kraken, the Royal Flush are 5 out of first – and the Krakens still have to take the bye. Unless they do what the Krakens did, first place seems inevitable…unless they get jumped by said Project Mayhem team.
Lane Crashers (Was 21)
A 122-38 record over the past 4 tour stops means that even with the bye, they are guranteed no worse than third. That being said, they will probably still be in first with a monst er lead over 5th place.
Outrage (Was 22)
A 170-30 record over the past 5 tour stops? Check. 42 point lead over second? Check. Looking like the same team that won everything last year? Check. Top ten spot placement? Check.
Murder Inc. (Was 20)
Similar to Royal Flush, the teams over them have to take their bye. The difference is that the gap they have to jump over is bigger than Royal Flushes. Hence, despite the 22-18 win, they don’t move up as high.
DC Mafia (Was 1)
Well, if there’s one thing that River City Anarchy can say while they are watching the playoffs from home is that they knocked off DC Mafia and ended their perfect season. That being said, they are close enough to make the playoffs, so if this springboards them to get there…and they happen to draw DC Mafia early on…uh oh.
The Franchise (NEW)
Apparently the Brooklyn Queens went from any of the seven teams on top can win to a top heavy three team district. The Franchise, now in second, is one of those three teams, and while they haven’t lost since Tour Stop #3, they have been incredibly impressive as of late.
Train Wreck (Was 29)
During the last column, I asked the real Train Wreck to show up. A 60-20 record during the past 2 tour stops could be the beginning of that. They are only 12 points ahead of Pocket Kings, so they need to be more consistent.
Da Hit Squad (Was 24)
They haven’t taken a loss since Tour Stop #5 and have a very healthy 56 point lead over the playoff border. The Top 3 teams in the Brooklyn / Queens (them being in third) are creating a nice gap over the rest of the district – something I’m not used to seeing in said district.
MOP Nation Militia (Was 2)
Sure they are in first in the New England District, but the lead is now 4 points because they lost to the second placed Identity Crisis 30-10. This after 40-piecing the New England Heat, which based on that would have jumped them up to first but…not after that. Oh well. Next Time.
Project Mayhem (Was 13)
A 38-2 win over the first placed Release the Krakens is indeed a great accomplishment, but that only looks better (and would have gotten you up the chart) if you didn’t lose 30-10 to a sub .500 Long Island Insurgent team (who thanks to their win, aren’t sub .500 anymore) the match before. Sorry, not sorry.
Class aXe (Was 15)
They do rebound from their loss BUT they have dropped out of first place in the process. They didn’t take their bye yet, so expect that deficit to get bigger.
Hot Pockets (Was 28)
Going 186-56 for the past 6 tour stops makes them very hot pockets. Now increasing their lead over the final playoff spot to 76 points makes them tasty, too, Can they surpass Impact?
The Outsiders (Was 4)
Was this more because Southern Asylum needed the win more (which they got 29-11), or is the petals starting to come off the rose for the Outsiders? Justim Sumter did win the Cruiserweight challenge at megabowl, so that’s something to tip your cap on.
DMV Titans (Was 18)
Going 88-32 for the past 3 tour stops is great, and the good news is that they are 56 points over fifth in a comfortable playoff spot, The bad news – the top three teams over them have had better records over that same time stretch, so they are still looking at said top three spots. Call it a draw?
Striking Vipers (Was 6)
Going 40-40 for the past 2 tour stops is good enough to stay in first place in the Inner Coastal, but it’s not good enough to say in the Top Ten.
Hostile Takeover (Was 34)
Now they are 170–30 for the past 5 tour stops (and have already taken the bye)…More importantly, they are 46 points over fifth, so they can relax a little bit. But just a little, because they have first place in their grasp.
The Risen (Was 35)
So why are Hostile Takeover over them despite The Risen in first? And 70-10 for the past 2 tour stops? Because Tour Stop 13 is their bye, and them having a 7 point lead is pretty much not good enough to maintain the lead.
High Caliber (Was 23)
A few people on HC won Mega Bowl events, and they did win 28-12 to remain in first…but…losing 32-8 to the Carolina Headhunters, which gives them continuation in the hunt, keeps them anchored in the 20’s.
Hill Country Outlaws (Was 11)
They could have absorbed one loss and remained in first in the Texas South. They couldn’t absorb going 26-54 for the past 2 tour stops, but yet they did, which is why they are in second place and out of the top 20.
Bristol Invasion (Was 31)
I’ll give them this – they beat The Chosen Ones to stay relevant in the chase for the PA North. I say relevant and not in first because The Chosen Ones jump right back over them after the last tour stop. Sure they are 56-24 over the last 2 tour stops, but they need to keep winning because The Chosen Ones are not going away.
Bulletproof (Was 12)
The lady who played Eve Teschmacher (Lex Luthor’s squeeze) recently passed away. Maybe the reason why they are is 24-56 for the past 2 tour stops is because they are paying their respects to Valerie Perrine. Maybe not, but it sounds good as an excuse, doesn’t it?
Secret Society (Was 38)
Are they finally getting their stride together? A 121-39 record for the past 4 tour stops suggests so.
Hills Have Eyes (Was 37)
The win finally ends their losing skid. However, the eyes the Hills have are currently watching Secret Society over them. This is now reflected in the Top 50.
The Chosen Ones (Was 14)
The Battle of Bristol was won by the Invasion. That’s not good news for The Chosen Ones as they have yet to take their bye, and third place (who’s 10 points back) already has.
Conspiracy Theory (Was 41)
The win is good enough to hold onto second. For now. Until the Bye that they have yet to take shows up.
High Voltage (Was 16)
They were looking for a big fat win after hanging out with a bye. Instead they get a 32-8 loss to the new first placed The Risen and to add insult to injury a drop to third place because of said bye. They ‘could’ bounce back up once The Risen take their bye, but now they have an extra team to jump over.
Stay Dangerous (Was 42)
A few things that make them dangerous – 1. 86-34 over the past 3 tour stops. 2. A win over Conspiracy Theory during that stretch. 3, Both Conspiracy Theory and New World Order have to take byes and Stay Dangerous already took theirs. 4. They are MUCH lower than they should be but that will change if they jump over the teams that they need to. 5. They will feel disrespected so they will go out of the way to win and poke fun at me on Social Media. I’m used to that by now.
Alamo Omens (Was 43)
They are the ONLY team that won in the Top 6 of the Texas South this week. Hence, they increase their lead over everyone and are potentially circling around another playoff spot this season.
Mutiny (Was 17)
Mutiny found the APEX Predators, who were looking for prey. They didn’t get eaten, but they were wounded and had to retreat from first place and worry about defending third.
City Morgue (Was 44)
HUGE win over Quiet Storm gives the Morgue some breathing room while inhabiting the final playoff spot.
Da Garden Foundation (Was 50)
DGF took advantage of the mess that is the New Jersey North and opened up a 26 point lead over everyone else. When they take the bye they will still be in a playoff spot (assuming that they keep winning, of course).
Xtreme Chaos (Was 25)
The only thing Xtreme is how quickly they will fall out of the Top 50 if they keep on lising (Three Tour Stops. Three 10’s. No bueno)
Outkasts (Was 46)
Sure it was against a lower team, but the win does move Outkasts up the Top 50, as well as taking over second place due to a loss from the Immortals.
New World Order (Was 26)
The only thing that’s optmistic about losing 32-8 to Conspiracy Theory is that both teams have yet to take their byes, which means their 26 point gap over them is real. What’s not real is the gap over Stay Dangerous who have already taken their bye and are within reach.
High Octane (Was 47)
They only have one loss the entire season, and they are 155-45 for their past 5 tour stops. Yet, they are only in third place. That’s how good the teams in the Sand Hills have been.
Pocket Kings (Was 27)
Sure they are in great shape to make the playoffs. However, the failure to take advantage of a weak match-up and falling further behind first place could potentially hurt the wallet.
Identity Crisis (NEW)
I chat about MOP a lot (hi Joey Nereu!), but this is becoming a two team race in the New England District and the crisis is one of those teams. 4 points separates these teams, which should make this fun coming down the stretch.
AC Express (Was 32)
1-1 against the two teams over them is good enough to stay in a semi-comfortable playoff spot. It’s not good enough to move up the Top 50 – and certainly not good when the team chasing you is the Nation of Domination.
Legion of Doom (NEW)
They move into second place in the convoluted New jersey North. That being said, they have yet to take their bye, so their stay could be very brief, but let’s give them some shine while they are here, enjoying the warmer Spring weather.
X-It Woundz (Was 33)
Remember that Arsenal team who went 2-4 during their first 6 tour stops that everyone left for dead? Well, Easter showed up, they are resurrected, and if X-It Woundz (who are now in 4th thanks to their loss during the last tour stop) isn’t careful, they could be on the receiving end of being whacked upside the head with an Arsenal-Shaped Easter basket.
King’s Court (NEW)
They are the latest candidate to try to take down D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.. They are 156-44 for their last 5 tour stops, and if I was to be honest, while I never want to see any team lose, I’m hoping D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. gets close enough to the Court to make the last match mean something. Boy that could be fun…
Kryptonite (NEW)
If the post-season started, they would be there. Going 185-95 during the past 7 tour stops helps. And as we’ve seen in the past, when this team gets into the playoffs, they are dangerous and a team you do not want to see in your bracket.
Release the Kraken (Was 48)
Last time out, I said that I’d update RTK once the tour stop scores came in. Being blasted 38-2 by Project Mayhem is something that they probably didn’t want me to post. They are still in first, but because they haven’t taken their bye yet, they are in danger of turning into a dead team walking.
NEXT 5: APEX Predators, Morning Woods, Hell Yeah, Auburn Maulers, #Beastmode
OUT: Justus League, Southern Asylum, High Powered, House Shot Heros, Menace II Society
