Welcome to the Top 50! This is the part where you’re really happy, or – and this is the usual response – you wish to get motivated. Will I be accurate this year? Or will I be completely off and I get yelled at? Either way, please have fun. And as for my prerequisites…
Style points count.
Keep in mind that with over 200 teams competing (with an increase of teams) this season, this list represents less than the top 25% of the UBA. If you’re on here, consider that some kudos.
If you’re not in the playoffs, you’re not here. Do better next season.
This is for fun. Don’t get salty, get motivated.
Yes, I know there’s districts with byes. And yes, if it’s a close race, sometimes teams will fall out due to said byes. I learned my lesson last year when teams with byes complained about that. When I decided to be nice and rewarded teams with extra spots, said teams didn’t make the playoffs because they didn’t get the points needed when the teams over them had byes and I looked like more of a moron than usual. This season, if you try to use that argument, I will just mention that Nice is a city in France and send you on your way. Deal with it.
In the words of Andre Welbon – many teams here will not be here in August. So just enjoy it. While you can.
If you came in first in a District, I put you in the top, whether I feel you deserved it or not.
There’s over 80 teams that make the playoffs. As you can see above, this is a Top 50. That means over 30 teams who make the playoffs will not be featured here and certain people on social media will whine like a little girl who lost her dog. I deal with it every year. It’s fun.
I love all feedback, so keep it coming 
So here we go with the rankings….
MOP Nation Militia (Was 4)
They are not in first, but they haven’t taken a loss yet (stupid blind), and they were in fourth, so they move up here. Cue the whining and grumbling from some guy named Joey.
Murder Inc. (Was 8)
Like MOP, they always hang out here. And like MOP, they took a blind and are still undefeated in Match Play. Hence I’m giving them the benefits of the doubt.
Rogue (Was 7)
Rogue is also undefeated in Tour Stop Play. When do we see them against Murder Inc? Hmmmmm…. 🙂
DC Mafia (Was 15)
With SBC struggling mightily, this is the best opportunity for DC Mafia (who already defeated SBC 35-5 earlier on this season) to take that next step. Can they?
Hills Have Eyes (Was 21)
The Hills are alive….and hungry,. They haven’t taken any losses yet, but they are looking for more victims. Munch munch munch.
DMV Titans (Was 25)
Going Undefeated this season so far may show some people that the major upset and nice run they had in the playoffs last season may not be that fluke that everyone thought it was.
D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. (Was 33)
They faded out near the end, which brought them a quick end into the post-season. Will they do that again this season? Hopefully not, but the nice start is showing much promise.
Dirty South Legends (Was 35)
One of three teams that are undefeated in tour stop play so far in the Metro Atlanta District. Methinks we are going to see the other two squads somewhere in this Top 50.
Da Hit Squad (Was 40)
DHS is the only team to not take any losses – yet – in Brooklyn Queens. I say yet, because everyone takes a few hits here, but enjoy the love while it lasts. Sal Fab says so.
Area 51-8 (Was 41)
They think they are better this year than…well…any other year. With an expended (and harder) Empire district, they could be right. Time will tell
BulletProof (Was 49)
Is THIS the season that they take the next step (Yes, I’ve said this 30 million times, but as you’ve seen, those teams that are ready to take the next step are all here, and the ones that have…aren’t here (Murder Inc. excepted)
BC Crew (NEW)
Yes, they’ve been one of the premier squads in Long Island, but getting knocked out in the first round against DHS also knocked them out of the Top 50. They are back, and they aren’t happy.
Rollin’ Rebels (NEW)
They are a happy-go-lucky group of kegglers….until the playoffs last season. Assuming that they take their moniker (which has so far given them an undefeated record in Tour Stop Play), how rebellious are they going to be?
Deez Nutz Bowling Club (NEW)
As Texas has now jooined the UBA playoff fold, these are teams people are going to have to take seriously. Even a bowling club with the name of…well…you know….
Class aXe (NEW)
With City Morgue taking a trip to the hospital early, that leaves the door wide open for someone to step in. The team that hasn’t lost a match yet will do.
Xtreme Chaos (NEW)
The fact that they have’t taken a loss yet is impressive. Let’s see if the same thing can be written after their tete a tetet with the Hills Have Eyes.
Carolina Swag (NEW)
It’s just as impressive for C-Swag to be doing this in the Triad – though it’s not as impressive, being that Brad Kurth brings his team out to play every single season.
Collateral Damage (NEW)
Looking to cause damage in the UBA. The early start bodes nicely for their chances, but let’s see what happens when they get into the meat of their season.
Project Mayhem (NEW)
Dear Project Mayhem – Yes, you don’t have a tour stop loss yet and if the playoffs started now, you’d be in them. There. You can stop penning the hate mail that would be coming in my direction if I didn’t do that.
Mutiny (NEW)
OK, so they have a loss BUT they are in first place in the DMV North. Being that first and 8th are separated by less than 30 points, that may not mean too much when 2026 rolls around, but let’s spread some love.
Goon Squad (NEW)
In the NJ Central (AKA NJNW B Side), the Goonies are right now holding their own with an undefeated blemish. Can they stick around when the schedule starts getting hairy?
Strike or Spare (NEW)
No, I didn’t have them in the Top 50 in my 2025 Bingo Card either. X79.
The Outsiders (NEW)
They have made frequent (albeit temporary) stops in the Top 50. Can they keep their residency here past the 12 days of X-Mas?
Mad Jokerz (NEW)
Hopefully they can be the Jack Nicholson or the Heath Ledger version of the Joker, which was everlasting. Let’s not be the Joaquin Phoenix / Lady Gaga Combo please (which laid the Joker: Foille a Deux Egg). YUCK.
Reloaded (NEW)
Once upon a time, this team was really, really good. Then they got cursed by the evil bowling demons and they were putrid. Now it looks like they got their mojo back and are really good again. Anyone have a casting spellbook?
The Redeemed (NEW)
I’m not sure how redeemable they are yet, but the start to the season doesn’t hurt.
Bristol Invasion (NEW)
Sometimes getting into the WCS gets you more experience and sometimes that pays off. We’ll see how much that pays off but the good start doesn’t hurt.
Striking Vipers (NEW)
They are leading the Inner Coastal, so they need to be in here somewhere.
BUFU (NEW)
I’m not sure if Leonard Freeman was a good boy, but he did get what he wanted for Thanksgiving. Will he find money in his Christmas stocking or coal?
Southern Asylum (NEW)
All of the Turkeys now control the asylum. Both from a bowling perspective and a literal perspective. They should be safe in the asylum, as it’s being protected by the lunatics.
High Caliber (NEW)
Congratulations for making it here again. Then again they were here last time early and then fell flatter than cranberry cause meeting the business end of a zamboni. Can we avoid that this season?
Impact (Was 3)
Yeah they are in first right now in the DMV Central…BUT…they took a loss during match 1, and this is a what have you done for me poll, so they go behind all of the teams that have yet to take an L. Sorry, not sorry. Get motivated.
Lane Crashers (NEW)
Welcome to the Brooklyn Queens, where we have no more undefeated teams. We do have a Lane Crashers’ team that’s currently in first place…for now….until they get knocked off. I mean no ill will, but that’s how the Brooklyn Queens rolls.
X-It Woundz (Was 17)
With two teams undefeated in the NJ North….but have taken their byes already…which means that a team with a loss will be in first place. Said team is X-It Woundz, but you better not sleep on them as they have traditionally gotten to July.
Stay Dangerous (Was 20)
If they could just try to convince the universe that the first tour stop didn’t exist, then they would be up in the Top 15 or higher. Unfortunately, you can’t fool the universe, so a spot in the Top 35 will have to suffice.
Menace II Society (NEW)
Style points absolutely count here, so grabbing a 40 piece will get them up here…
King’s Court (Was 21)
…and those points is why MIIS is in second and King’s Court is in third in the Queen City district. Such is life in the bowling alley.
Immortals (Was 22)
Hi Hitmen! How you doin? (THWACK). That’s how they’re doing.
Conspiracy Theory (Was 27)
You know that line ‘Here’s Subzero, now plain Zero’ really does work after the 40 piece. I don’t know what line goes with Stay Dangerous, but I’ll let them figure it out.
Royal Flush (Was 34)
They are in first in the LI district. But they are only there because BC Crew had a bye, which means the 28-12 beating Royal Flush got from the ‘Crew was not good enough for them to be jumped.
Train Wreck (Was 31)
If you remove the one loss they have had, they are a combined 140-20. Unfortunately, you can’t, and what makes it worse is that the loss came from a Do It Yourself team that’s under .500. Yipes.
The Washington Replacements (Was 37)
To quote Peter Tomarken, you had SBC about to warm up the car and drive off the parking lot to oblivion. They are back, and are looking a lot better thanks to their 203 pin win against you.
Pocket Kings (Was 38)
Most teams want to forget the first tour stop or the last tour stop. The Kings want to forget Tour Stop #2, where they lost 28-12 to Alter Ego. FYI, that is Alter Ego’s only win of the season so far.
Alamo Omens (Was 46)
This would probably look a lot better if their lone loss of the season wasn’t against someone that they are currently staring above on the standings sheet.
Reaper Crew (NEW)
What’s nutty is that 2nd 3rd and 4th in the NJ Central have already taken their bye and they are 2nd, 3rd and 4th. 5th place and under all have at least one tour stop where they have taken 10 points or less, The top 4 teams’ lowest score? 12, while each of them have taken more then 30 points in a tour stop (something that only 5th place has done). There’s the weird stat of the Top 50.
Lucifer’s Den (NEW)
After Tour Stop #1, they are 102-18. They may have hell to pay later.
The Chosen Ones (NEW)
40 Piece against Hell Yeah? Impressive.
Paradise Cartel (NEW)
They had a short vacation here last season. Let’s see if they can turn it into more of a Winter residence.
G.O,A.T. (NEW)
The thought of them moving up quickly makes me go ‘Baaaaahhhh’, but the 30-10 loss to Chill Squad makes me go ‘Nahhhhhh’.
The Risen (NEW)
Ok, so I put the team in (sort of) first place in the Top 50 – even if they are in a district that got wiped during the playoffs and got a goose egg to show for it. Let’s get motivated, Virginia.
NEXT 5: Release the Kraken, Shot Show, The Syndicate, Spartanberg Savages, The Militia
OUT: Outrage(??!!?!?), Wrecking Crew, G-Town Heavy Hitters, Pound4Pound, Taking Care of Business, Disorderly Conduct, Striking Results All-Stars, Nation of Domination, City Morgue, The Franchise, Da Garden Foundation, Killerz Grip, High Octane, Str8 Bizness Cartel, Dead Flush, Secret Society, Total Mayhem, Wasted Potential, South Jersey Strike Force, The Watchmen, Fearless, Synergy, H-Town, River City Gunslingers, Arsenal, New England Heat
40 Piece – Taking every single point from the opposing team. ‘We 40 Pieced them’ means you won 40-0.
‘A Squad’ / ‘B Squad’ / ‘C Squad’ et al. – The grades that people give the teams that have shown up. Usually with this code: ‘A Squad’ – Best Bowlers / ‘B Squad’ – Very good / ‘C Squad’- Average and beatable/ ‘D Squad’ – Below average or Dumpster Fire Squad / ‘F Squad’ – Fail or What are they doing here? or This is the team we had to get at the very last minute.
Aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww You Suck! – That’s a chant that you will hear if someone puts the ball in the gutter on the first ball of the frame. If that person double gutters (throws the ball into the gutter twice), that’s grounds to be powdered.
Action – Bowling someone for money. “Do you want some of this action?”
Anchor – The last person on the team to bowl; usually either the best bowler or the bowler you want in the last spot to ensure the win or help the team flip from a loss to a win.
Area for Days – When the bowler gets a strike, regardless of where he throws his shot.
A$$-Betting – When someone is bowling for money, loses the match and doesn’t have the funds to pay out.
Backer – Someone who puts up money for a bowler in competition (whether it’s a tournament entry, UBA entry or side stuff) – and reaps the benefits of making a profit if the bowler does well.
Back Row Bingo – When you leave the whole back row in a game (7 pin, 8 pin, 9 pin, 10 pin) instead of throwing strikes.
Beef – Having an issue or an argument with a bowler to the point that the issue can only be settled on the lanes (usually with money attached to it).
Bet Good / Bet Amazing – A bet that’s been laid out has been accepted and if you lose you better pay up. Player A – ‘I’ll put down $50 that I will beat you in the next game right now.’ Player B – ‘Bet Good’.
Blow Out – Winning or losing by a wide margin. ‘We blew them out / We got blown out’
Bunter – Someone who can hold their own, but is not considered elite and usually refers to themselves as not being elite – usually 200 or 2-teens
Butt Hurt – If you get your feelings hurt because you lost or someone made fun of you on social media on something that’s superficial or not too serious. ‘He just lost by 200 pins and a picture of him missing the 5 pin is now online, so he’s a little butt hurt right now’
Called Out – Being challenged to a match by a bowler – usually a bowler with a beef against you.
Carpet-Betting – Betting from the carpet. IE. betting on the participants bowling without actually bowling in the competition.
Cashing Spot – The position a bowler needs to place in or the number of rounds a bowler needs to advance in in order to win prize money.
Celly-Cam – When a bowler leaves a weird split that is shared on social media. The term is named for the originator of this practice; Marcel ‘Celly’ Danley.
China – Very easy, or high-scoring lanes ‘These lanes were china’ means that the lanes were easy to score on.
Corona’d – A league or tournament that ended due to the Corona Virus
Craps – A score of 7 in the first ball that does not get converted into a spare on the second ball (usually on a split). ‘7 Out. Pay the Donts. Line’s Away’
Cut / Cut Score – A score a bowler need to obtain in order to advance in a tournament
Dead Weight – To be blunt, that person is the reason why the team continuously loses.
DMV – Short for the Washington DC / Maryland / Virginia Area that is part of the All-american Conference.
Doll Hairs – Money. Usually Dollars
Donut – The 0 in a match when a team gets swept 40-0.
Dumping – Deliberately not bowling to the best of your ability to keep your average down or to lower your average. This is usually done when the game has been decided in a blow out fashion.
Dumpster Fire – You’re either bowling really bad or you’re really bad. ‘That score was a dumpster fire’ or ‘You are a human Dumpster Fire’.
Fish – Someone who is known to take matches and not win, losing frequents amount of money in the process.
Five Pin Payment – When a bowler misses the 5 pin in a UBA match, which usually results in them paying the club anywhere from $5 to $25, pending on each club’s rules.
Five Pin Powdering / Five Pin Smack – When a bowler misses the 5 pin in a UBA match, which usually results in them getting a handful (or bottle-full) of baby powder as punishment.
Fleeced – Being conned. Losing money by betting towards someone who is a lot worse than advertised or against someone that is a lot better than advertised, either as a bowler or a backer. ‘You’ve been fleeced, son!’
Getting Off The Island – Shooting a 300 (or in some cases, FINALLY shooting a 300).
Giving It Up – Being ahead in a game going into the tenth frame and losing because you or your team made enough mistakes / opens for the opponent to win.
Gutter Creature, Gutter Monster, et al. – The creature that lives in the gutter that magically eats your balls for dinner if you leave them too close to the edge of the lane. ‘Your ball got eaten by the Gutter Monster’
Handicap Tournament – A tournament where bowlers get additional pins based on their average / ability.
Hitter – Someone who strikes a lot and is considered one of the elite – usually 230 or better.
Hot Garbage – You’re either bowling really bad or you’re really bad. ‘That score was hot garbage’ or ‘You are Hot Garbage’.
House Mouse – Someone who is really good at their home house but really bad everywhere else.
Island / The Island – A place where the inhabitants are people that have not shot a 300 yet.
It’s A Wrap – When a game or series is mathematically over. The phrase is usually spoken by the victors.
Keeping the Ship Aground – If the bowler who’s dead weight happens to be in the anchor (last) position, then the anchor is why the ship isn’t moving (or keeping it aground).
Land of the Red Numbers – When a bowler throws a bunch of splits in a row (the splits indicated by red on any electronic scoreboard), they take a trip to the land of the red numbers.
Lay Down – A team that ‘lays down’ is when a team that’s trailing in the match stops attempting to win, causing them to lose by a major amount.
Lead-Off – The first person on the team to bowl, usually trying to set the pace to ignite the rest of the team to follow suit.
Lefty / Righty Tournament – A tournament that a team of 2 people compete in where one bowler is left-handed and another bowler is right-handed.
Locked – When a bowler is continuously throwing good shots and is burying them for strikes.
Locked Out – When it’s mathematically impossible for the trailing person or team to win the game.
Margin of Error is Zero / El Cheapo – When a bowler must win the rest of the games in their match or they lose the match.
Mystery Score – A game played where whoever comes closest to a score revealed after a game wins a prize. Consider it bowling’s version of a lotto.
Nixon – The 4/6/7/10 combination – or Big 4 – derived from Nixon’s ‘Double Victory’ sign. The phrase was coined by former Northeast Heavyweight Champion Alex Prell.
Nomad – Someone who jumps from UBA squad to UBA Squad.
North Carochina – A house shot that is considered easy, usually in North Carolina but could describe any alley in the Southeast.
Not First Come First Served (or NFCFS) – If someone posts looking for a bowler, the poster is selective, meaning that just because someone responds first does not mean they automatically get the spot desired.
OG / Original Gangster – Someone who’s either been in the UBA from the very beginning or who has been part of a UBA team from the very beginning. Ex. There were 18 bowlers at the start of the South Jersey Storm. Alvin Dickinson was one of them, which makes him a South Jersey Storm OG.
Opt Out Period – The period that people can jump from one team to another without being suspended 90 days for removing themselves from a team.
Over / Under (Age) Tournament – A tournament that a team of 2 people compete in where one bowler is over a certain age and another bowler is under a certain age.
Over / Under (Ability) Tournament – A tournament that a team of 2 people compete in where one bowler is over a certain average and another bowler is under a certain average.
Pause – Exclaimed after something that is said in a bowling alley or about bowling that could be mistaken as a double entendre, usually of a sexual nature.
Pay Day – The day that bowlers get their prize money from the UBA.
Phase 4 – The phase that will allow people to bowl in New York alleys post Corona-Virus.
Poached Out – A team that is forced to fold because too many of their players are taken by other teams.
Release – Being dropped from their team. If a team releases the player they can join another team immediately, effective the end of the month. If a player releases themselves from a team they need to sit 90 days unless they release themselves during Opt Out Period (See Opt Out Period).
Run it back – Play the same game / match again for the same stakes; similar to Double or Nothing.
Salty – If you get your feelings hurt because you lost or someone made fun of you on social media on something that’s superficial or not too serious. ‘He just lost by 200 pins and a picture of him missing the 5 pin is now online, so he’s a little salty right now’.
Sandbagging – Deliberately not bowling to the best of your ability to keep your average down or to lower your average. This is usually done when the game has been decided in a blow out fashion.
Schleprock – Bowling Jinx or the person that brings bad bowling luck wherever they go. The term originated from Alvin Dickinson.
Scratch Tournament – A tournament where bowlers bowl based on their ability and no one gets bonus pins to start the tournament.
Shark – Someone who usually wins action matches, and is usually really good at selecting which fish to challenge and eat their money.
Shock The World – When someone that’s heavily favored to lose a match winds up winning it. ‘He beat the 250 average bowler. He shocked the world’.
Short! – When your score falls a few pins shy of making a tournament cut or winning a prize. It’s usually exclaimed by shouting out the word very quickly. ‘Short!’
Smoke – Bowling someone for money. “Do you want some of this smoke?”
Stay In Your Lane – The bowling version is to tell bowlers to challenge people within their own average group ie. don’t challenge people much better than you and don’t pick on people who are much worse than you.
Stretchy – Losing a game or match by a very large margin of pins, usually at least 100 pins per game times the number of bowlers competing.
Sweeper – A Tournament that last a small number of games (usually 4) where the highest scores win.
Taking The Game – Winning the game despite trailing at the end with a combination of strikes from your end and mistakes from your opponent’s end.
Tanking – Deliberately not bowling to the best of your ability to keep your average down or to lower your average. This is usually done when the game has been decided in a blow out fashion.
‘These Pins Aren’t Loyal’ – A phrase meaning that pins – or bowlers – aren’t always loyal to the same team.
UBA Baby – A newborn that was conceived during the night before, after or during a UBA Event.
Walkdown Activated / Walkdown Achieved – When a bowler is at least down by 2 games in his match and can’t afford to lose another game, but manages to win the match.
Walled Up – Very easy, or high-scoring lanes, usually referring to the bowler being able to pitch the ball on the outside segment of the lanes and it comes back in for a strike.
WCS – Short for World Championship Series.
‘We Have a Situation’ – When a lone 5 pin is left after the delivery of the first ball. Various teams, including The South Jersey Storm, have their own musical tune they sing while other teams have their own traditions.
Work – Bowling someone for money. “Do you want some of this work?”
WTA / Winner Take All – A format where only first place gets paid out, vs. the top 3 or 5 places paying out.
