Welcome to the Top 50! This is the part where you’re really happy, or – and this is the usual response – you wish to get motivated. Will I be accurate this year? Or will I be completely off and I get yelled at? Either way, please have fun. And as for my prerequisites…
Style points count.
Keep in mind that with over 200 teams competing (with an increase of teams) this season, this list represents less than the top 25% of the UBA. If you’re on here, consider that some kudos.
If you’re not in the playoffs, you’re not here. Do better next season.
This is for fun. Don’t get salty, get motivated.
Yes, I know there’s districts with byes. And yes, if it’s a close race, sometimes teams will fall out due to said byes. I learned my lesson last year when teams with byes complained about that. When I decided to be nice and rewarded teams with extra spots, said teams didn’t make the playoffs because they didn’t get the points needed when the teams over them had byes and I looked like more of a moron than usual. This season, if you try to use that argument, I will just mention that Nice is a city in France and send you on your way. Deal with it.
In the words of Andre Welbon – many teams here will not be here in August. So just enjoy it. While you can.
If you came in first in a District, I put you in the top, whether I feel you deserved it or not.
There’s over 80 teams that make the playoffs. As you can see above, this is a Top 50. That means over 30 teams who make the playoffs will not be featured here and certain people on social media will whine like a little girl who lost her dog. I deal with it every year. It’s fun.
I love all feedback, so keep it coming 
So here we go with the rankings….
Hitmen (Was 1)
They had everything sewn up – and STILL won 24-16 against the Outkasts. What they do with their season starts now.
Impact (Was 2)
Another team with nothing to play for, Impact came out and made a statement by squashing the Hot Pockets, 32-8. Next up – a first round bye in the playoffs. And then the fun begins.
Outrage (Was 4)
They have yet to lose in 2026. Should they keep that up, they will be repeat champions.
Murder Inc. (Was 5)
Murder season continues with a 36-4 thrashing of Da Garden Foundation to win the ultra-competitive NJ North. They are now 160–40 for the past 5 tour stops and are starting to peak at the right time.
The Outsiders (Was 7)
The Outsiders win the Metro Atlanta with a 26-14 score (and 142–58 for the past 5 tour stops). How loud will the Metro be in the playoffs?
Hostile Takeover (Was 8)
Teams that don’t need the wins but bowl like they do are always dangerous in the playoffs. Add Hostile Takover (who defeated High Voltage 28-12) to that list. Could this be the team that takes Virginia past the first round?
Rollin’ Rebels (Was 12)
Because of the positioning of G.O.A.T., the Rebels don’t have to face High Octane for the Sandhills title. They take full advantage of ithe situation, and will reap the benefits of the victory.
High Octane (Was 11)
Not that High Octane won’t frown at second place money. Still it has to be frustrating to win 28-12 and not take the district because they can’t directly play the team that won it. Such is life in the alley.
D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. (Was 13)
No, it doesn’t look like they cared when they bounced back, sending King’s Court into a three way tie in the process. Ask them if they care (hint: they don’t)
Lane Crashers (Was 14)
Instead of hoping that DHS lost (which they did anyways), the Crashers took matters into their own hands, derailing The Franchise 35-5 and leaping over DHS in the process to win the Brooklyn Queens district. The playoffs await.
Stay Dangerous (Was 15)
The win over the New World Order gives SD the Triad title. Now can they do what they did last season and make a monster run (HINT: last year they surprised a few teams, but this year, they won’t be sneaking up on anyone)
DC Mafia (Was 16)
In a potential match-up that could be seen at Battle Bowl, the Mafia took out SBC 26-14 to clinch the DMV South. Rematch at Battle Bowl? Maybe, because they won’t see each other again this season unless it’s there.
AC Express (Was 18)
This has been a nice season for AC Express, as they not only in first place in the NJ South, but the number one overall seed in the Northeast Conference. So why are they not in the Top Ten? Because it took a 97-23 run for the past 3 tour stops to do it and before that spurt, they were in danger of needing a Wild Card spot to make the playoffs.
Mad Jokerz (Was 3)
Things to learn for new teams – when you lose the last game of the season, even if you have nothing to play for, usually does not bode well for you in the playoffs. Will they learn this the hard way?
Royal Flush (Was 19)
They do win the Long Island district comfortably and they dispatch Project Mayhem 30-10, but they looked very sluggish in doing so. Can they turn it up now that July is upon us? Recent history says no, but that’s why they play the game.
Da Hit Squad (Was 6)
Last season they were on a roll coming in to the playoffs and knocked off BC Crew. This season they are coming in with an 18-42 record for the past 2 tour stops as they saw first place slip from out of their grasp. That can’t possibly feel good as they head into July.
Towne Assassins (Was 15)
They held on against #Beastmode to win the Metro North. Area 51-8 has had a few good runs in the playoffs, and now it’s the Assassins turn to continue their legacy.
Savages (Was 39)
They take the Palmetto district thanks to a late surge and a High Caliber meltdown. What can they do in the post-season for an encore?
Bristol Invasion (Was 9)
The Invasion do hold on to take the Pa North BUT not until splitting 40-40 with The Chosen Ones. With teams that are a lot more dangerous coming down the ‘Pike, and no offense to The Chosen Ones, but the Invasion need to do a lot better than going 40-40 for the past 2 weeks.
Watchmen (Was 37)
There’s many times a tie would be as bad as a loss. In this case, because the tie keeps them in first place and gives them the Inner Coastal district, a tie is as good as the win. They haven’t lost in single digits the whole entire season and waited late to take the inner Coastal. This team could surprise….
The Chosen Ones (Was 33)
While they needed 2 wins against the Bristol Invasion and only got one, that last one keeps them in second and gives them a nice lift going into the playoffs. Can they be a dark horse sleeper?
Pocket Kings (Was 44)
This is a team with all the talent in the world but were consistently unable to grab the brass district ring. They FINALLY get the job done this season, and if they have a good draw, could potentially go a lot further.
Usual Suspects (NEW)
There are teams that do absolutely nothing or are in the midpack that have a late surge that wind up in the Top 50. Such is the case of the Usual Suspects, who take first in the PA South thanks to their 132-28 record over the past four tour stops. Now some people make fun of me missing them until the end. My counter is that they didn’t do anything until this point to be relevant enough, Touche’ .
Release the Kraken (Was 41)
Winners of two out of the last three tour stops, the Krakens are one of the few second placed teams coming in on a roll. Sleeper Atlantic Team?
Hills Have Eyes (Was 10)
The HHE need to avoid seeing other teams in the PA South during this playoff run. They have had issues with Secret Society, and now they just got smoked like a salmon by the Usual Suspects 36-4, ending their 5 match winning streak and losing the PA South in the process.
Identity Crisis (was 45)
They do defeat MOP BUT don’t take enough points to grab first from them. That could make them feel good about going into July but boy, was this a season that they could have grabbed first place and done a lot better.
Da Garden Foundation (Was 16)
If you want me to write good prose about your team, you can’t go taking only 4 points against Murder Inc. Sorry., Not Sorry,
Lane Sharks (Was 48)
The 38-2 utter demolishing of City Morgue gives them the Metro North and shoots them up a ton. This is a team built to surprise.
G.O,A.T. (Was `17)
Two losses in the last three weeks puts them in third in the very competitive Sandhills. That being said, they have had a great season for their return to the UBA Tour Stop competition.
Complete Anarchy (Was 20)
They lost 32-8 to a Wasted Potential squad that clearly wanted the win more than they did. The Anarchy could be very short-lived if they have that same attitude in the first round of the playoffs.
The Franchise (Was 21)
Losing 3 out of your last 4 – including a 35-5 disaster that dropped them from first place to third – is not how you want to be now that the playoffs have started. They need to reconfigure themselves in a hurry.
Train Wreck (Was 22)
Train Wreck can thank Reaper Crew and About That Money for knocking of the two teams that could have ended their playoff chances this season. That being said, a 50-110 record over the past 4 tour stops has shown that they have no problems ending their own existence, which they will do if they keep bowling like their aforementioned title name.
MOP Nation Militia (Was 23)
They needed 14 points to win the New England district…and they did exactly that. Losses in three of their past four tour stops, however, have shown that they are not peaking where the past MOP squads have done so. Sure, they got the one that counted but they all count now.
Hot Pockets (Was 26)
Two losses in the past four tour stops BUT both of them came against Impact (no shame in that). The good news is that they won’t see Impact on the way to Battle Bowl. They only have to knock out the top seeded Outrage. Yay?
Project Mayhem (Was 24)
Once upon a time, Project Mayhem was in first place and I was singing songs of praise like a mad bard. Since then, they have been outpointed 76-22 by the eventual champions Rpyal Flush and 54-22 by Release the Kraken, who jumped them…by 1 point. OUCH. They need to do better in July or here’s how the story is going to end: The Kraken was released, ate up all of Project Mayhem, and contacted Harry Hamlin for autographs. Project Mayhem lived (or got eaten) unhappily ever after.
Class aXe (Was 25)
Continuing the theme of teams limping into the playoffs, Class aXe needed a Wild Card spot because they took a whopping 15 points in their last 3 tour stops – including 2 points against the Quiet Storm. If they show up like that on July 11th, they won’t need a hotel stay for July 12.
Striking Vipers (Was 27)
Losing 2 out of the past 3 tour stops is one thing. Losing to a barely over .500 team when you’re trying to solidify a playoff spot is something else. That does not bode well for the end of June.
The Risen (Was 28)
Make it 32 points for their past 4 tour stops. It’s a good thing they racked up a lot of points during the middle of their schedule or they would be home watching everyone else have bonus bowling.
High Caliber (Was 29)
The last loss costs them the Palmetto district to the Savages. Though they do get into the playoffs, the next loss will end their season.
Hill Country Outlaws (Was 30)
The latest in their series of losses (in this case, a 30-10 defeat to The Derty Diablos) continues their slump to 42-118. The win for the Diablos gives them the last Wild Card spot, while the loss sends the Outlaws to a match-up with one of the higher seeds.
Bulletproof (Was 31)
Just like a lot of teams in this section Bulletproof is coming into the playoffs in a huge skid (4 losses in 5 tour stops). A 32-8 setback to the AC express plops them into third place and just a mere 2 points in front of a Wild Card spot. Unlike other seasons where they were a heavy favorite, Bulletproof will be a severe underdog this time around.
Secret Society (Was 32)
That last loss – a 26-14 defeat to Xtreme Chaos – could have been a disaster, because Chaos took the last Wild Card spot and The Arsenal were right behind them. Still, a win is a win and Secret Society turn it up in July – but this time around, they may have their hands full.
APEX Predators (Was 33)
Welcome to second place APEX! Let’s say hi to Outrag….SMACK. BOOM. POW. Enjoy your 8 points.
Conspiracy Theory (Was 34)
6 points 2 tour stops ago cost them first place. 12 points in the last tour stops costs them second. The next loss will cost them the season.
#Beastmode (Was 35)
Add the Beasties to the list of second placed teams who fail to defeat first and become relegated down to third. Can they rebound next month?
High Voltage (Was 36)
Add High Voltage to the list – except the fact that they don’t lose third. They remain in second by a mere point – but the mere point is enough to grab second placed cash. It’s going to be a tough task to make it through the playoffs – tough, but not impossible.
Vendetta (NEW)
I didn’t have ‘destroying the Alamo Omens to take first place in the Texas South district’ on my Bingo card. Did you?
Alamo Omens (Was 38)
To be honest, getting crushed 36-4 to Vendetta and losing the Texas South district is very un-Alamo like. Expect this team to be very angry marching into the playoffs, and angry teams usually do quite well…
City Morgue (Was 40)
Dear Quiet Storm – Thank you for destroying Class aXe 38-2, which keeps us in third place and the last guaranteed playoff spot despite the fact that we were up by 2 points and also took a putrid 2 points against the Lane Sharks. We owe you drinks at the bar Limousine service to the playoffs and any other (legal) things you can think of. Love, City Morgue. XOXO.
Outkasts (Was 42)
They take JUST enough to hold onto second place. In the Capital. We shall see how well they can do against other first placed teams not named Hitmen.
New World Order (Was 43)
An 18-42 record for the past 2 tour stops takes the NWO from first to third. The playoffs await them. Dun dun dunnnnnn…
X-It Woundz (Was 46)
There but for the grace of the Wild Card go I. That being said, this is a team that knows how to cause damage in the playoffs. One of the most dangerous Wild Cards ever.
NEXT 5: Slayers, Dirty South Legends, G-Town Heavy Hitters, Syndicate. Str8Bizness Cartel
OUT: King’s Court
