UBA Updates

Top 50

Welcome to the Top 50! This is the part where you’re really happy, or – and this is the usual response – you wish to get motivated. Will I be accurate this year? Or will I be completely off and I get yelled at? Either way, please have fun. And as for my prerequisites…

Style points count.
Keep in mind that with over 200 teams competing (with an increase of teams) this season, this list represents less than the top 25% of the UBA. If you’re on here, consider that some kudos.
If you’re not in the playoffs, you’re not here. Do better next season.
This is for fun. Don’t get salty, get motivated.
Yes, I know there’s districts with byes. And yes, if it’s a close race, sometimes teams will fall out due to said byes. I learned my lesson last year when teams with byes complained about that. When I decided to be nice and rewarded teams with extra spots, said teams didn’t make the playoffs because they didn’t get the points needed when the teams over them had byes and I looked like more of a moron than usual. This season, if you try to use that argument, I will just mention that Nice is a city in France and send you on your way. Deal with it.
In the words of Andre Welbon – many teams here will not be here in August. So just enjoy it. While you can.
If you came in first in a District, I put you in the top, whether I feel you deserved it or not.
There’s over 80 teams that make the playoffs. As you can see above, this is a Top 50. That means over 30 teams who make the playoffs will not be featured here and certain people on social media will whine like a little girl who lost her dog. I deal with it every year. It’s fun.

I love all feedback, so keep it coming

So here we go with the rankings….

DC Mafia (Was 4)
In the last column, we were talking about DC Mafia taking their next step thanks to them beating SBC. Well, they continue to win (albeit very close the last time out, but a win is a win) and this is their reward. Very well done. Now can they hold on to it?
MOP Nation Militia (Was 2)
Not moving them down due to their bye during this period, but can’t move them up off of a bye either. Cue moaning from all MOP members and a ‘Gordon is living inside your head’ spiel from Joey Nereu.
D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. (Was 8)
One of the things that the Queen City is known for is it being ultra competitive – espescialy for first. D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F is threatening to break that mode as they, with a perfect 6-0 Tour Stop Record, have an almost 40 point lead on their competitors.
BulletProof (Was 12)
The LOWEST output from Bulletproof so far this season is winning 30-10. With a 40 point lead, Bulletproof is a couple of more matches away from the first clinching of anything in the UBA season – and we’re not even at the halfway mark.
Rollin’ Rebels (Was 14)
The Rebels have always traditionally been in the Top 50 in some way shape of form. They have NEVER been in the Top 5…until now, thanks to their still undefeated record and wins over quality opponents. What they need to avoid is relaxing on their laurels and being allergic to success, and we’ll find THAT out at the end of January.
Class aXe (Was 16)
Sure they haven’t taken their bye yet, but being in first place at this point was the plan and they end 2025 with the plan being achieved. The next step is to take advantage of the schedule and pound on the lower team so they don’t have to worry about the end of the season
7 Xtreme Chaos (Was 17)
As we start to thin out the teams that are starting to take losses in the tour stops, Xtreme Chaos is not one of them. The 38-2 destruction of Hills Have Eyes certainly makes their case to be up in the Top Ten.
8. Mutiny (Was 21)
Mutiny ends 2025 in first place in the DMV North. It’s going to be a lot harder to hold onto it, as 8 teams in the DMV North are at .500 or better, but I’m pretty sure the Mutineers will sign up for the position that they are currently in.
9.The Outsiders (Was 24)
They are not only in first place in the Metro Atlanta, but they already took their bye. This is a team that as long as they take care of the business in front of them will stick around in the Top 50 for a long time.
10. The Redeemed (Was 27)
Another team that is here because they are undefeated in the UBA BUT this is a team from Virginia who got ZERO wins in the playoffs. So while there record deems them in the Top Ten, onlt time will tell if they get to stay there.
11. Mad Jokerz (Was 25)
Why be mad?
12. Deez Nutz Bowling Club (Was 15)
Wait a second….two Texas teams are in the Top 15? Blasphemy! What is Gordon on? Let’s send Gordon angry mail! Yeah! (yeah you’re getting dinged because you’re not in first place, but you did get moved up, so yay)?
13. Hitmen (Was 1)
Eventually, the Hitmen were going to take a loss. They probably didn’t want that loss to be against the Insurgents. Still, only a point out of first.
14. Bristol Invasion (Was 28)
They may not finish in first at the end of the season, but the list of the teams that they have beaten to get here is impressive. Early candidate for breakthrough team of the season.
15. Murder Inc. (Was 3)
The Dysunfctional Bowlers ensured that Christmas was not going to be Murder Season. Ho ho ho.
16 Striking Vipers (Was 29)
A 22-18 loss to end their undefeated season keeps them out of the Top Ten (for now), but staying in first and getting two wins after that allows them to move up.
17. Rogue (Was 4)
The 7 point present from the same Dysfunctional Bowler team that gave Murder Inc a 12 point gift was something that Rogue probably wanted to give back. Said DB are 13 points away from a playoff spot and a re-emergence into the Top 50.
18. BUFU (Was 30)
BUFU is still in first place. Leonard Freeman needs to avoid New Year’s Eve ornaments dropping on his head.
19. Hills Have Eyes (Was 6)
Things were going smoothly until they got blasted 38-2 by Xtreme Chaos. They took that loss to the Xtreme. Off the top rope, brother.
20 High Caliber (NEW)
High Caliber is another team with no blemishes on their UBA Tour Stop record. However, if you want to make the argument that they haven’t beaten anyone yet…well, that argument is valid. We’ll see if that argument holds any water at the end of the month.
21. Impact (Was 32)
Still slogging along BUT a 36-4 win moves them up to first place in the DMV Central. That being said, they have to stop losing silly close matches or they are not getting back to Battle Bowl.
22. DMV Titans (Was 7)
The Titans were looking for treasure in a Body Bag and found a troll, who stole their loot and ended their undefeated record. The loss also dropped them to third, as they see both Impact and Hot Pockets jump them. Naughty Troll gets a coal in his Christmas stocking.
23. Royal Flush (Was 34)
68-12 after their oopsie in Tour Stop #3 puts them in first place in Long Island. Their resolution needs to continue to be more consistent.
24. Da Hit Squad (Was 10)
In Bracketology, I discussed that the BQ has no undefeated teams. As DHS is in the BQ, we can do the math here.
25. Train Wreck (Was 42)
Going 70-10 after their loss moves them back into first in the NJ Central and moves them upwards. Losing 24-16 to the Pocket Kingz after that still keeps them in first, but it derails them from inching up in the Top 50 any further.
26. Towne Assassins (NEW)
Welcome to the Top 50 and welcome to first place in the Empire district. Whoo hoo!
27. Area 51-8 (Was 11)
If it makes Area 51-8 feel any better, this was the first time that the Towne Assassins is in first place in the Empire District, so Area 51-8 can think about how generous they have been while they drink their eggnog while watching the snow fall (HINT: It probably doesn’t make them feel any better)

28. Pocket Kings (Was 44)
Going 94-26 for the past 3 Tour Stops moves them into second place into the NJ Central. The fact that one of those wins was against the NJ North adds credence to their ranking.

29 NWO (NEW)
Well hello there. What have you been up to while you’ve been gone? Oh yes, taking over the Triad again.

30 Carolina Swag (Was 18)
They go 78-2 in their past 2 tour stops after being shelled by the NWO. That bounce back that puts them into third – with them taking the bye while the two teams in front of them haven’t – shows a really good team that’s going to be very dangerous down the stretch (though I still have to ding them for getting crushed 36-4 by the NWO. Sorry)

31. Hill Country Outlaws (NEW)
Defeat Alamo Omens? Check. Move into first place because of that? Check. Earns a spot in the Top 50? Check.

32 Project Mayhem (Was 20)
The loss ends their undefeated streak BUT they already took their bye (Vs. Royal Flush and Release the Kraken, who haven’t), so they are still very much in the mix.

33 AC Express (NEW)
Maybe if the casinos had a record like 118-42 in the past 4 tour stops, they’d have a better economy line. The Express certainly hops to revive their own economy as they move into second place in the NJ South.

34. Goon Squad (Was 22)
They aren’t getting penalized for the bye. They are getting penalized for the loss to the NJ North.

35. High Voltage (NEW)
Yeah, they’re in second place in the much maligned Virginia District. I guess I’ll give them some love…until they show me thay don’t deserve the love anymore.

36. Strike or Spare (Was 23)
A tie is NOT a loss. But it’s not a win, so down you go. Sorry, not sorry.

37. Reloaded (Was 26)
Should be higher BUT there’s three teams over Reloaded in the District, DESPITE the fact that they haven’t taken a loss in the New England district yet. (Shrugs)

38. Southern Asylum (Was 31)
Had a shot to make up some ground against The Outsiders, but got Critically Rolled. The fact that they haven’t taken their bye yet and The Outsiders did doesn’t help.

39. Justus League (NEW)
So the JL return to this list for 2 reasons. 1. They are 68-12 for the past two tour stops and 2. the 32-8 win…

40. Lane Crashers (Was 34)
…came at the expense of the Lane Crashers, who fall to second because of it. So why is DHS ranked higher even though they are in third? Because they have taken their bye and the Justus League and Lane Crashers haven’t.

41. X-It Woundz (Was 35)
So X-It Woundz wins 34-6 in the NJ Central…which would have been nicer if they didn’t lose 30-10 the match before. Still, they are in first place…until they take their bye, in which case they need to hope that Murder Inc takes less than 12 points.

42. Menace II Society (Was 37)
After taking the 40 points, MIIS have lost 3 out of their last 4, including a 24-16 setback to D.I.L.I.G.A.F./ If they keep doing that, they will be a menace to drop out of the Top 50.

43. Conspiracy Theory (Was 40)
I have a theory – Conspiracy Theory need to do better than winning 2 of their last 4 matches if they want to move back up the chart.

44 Hot Pockets (NEW)
They are scorching hot, which is usually what happens when you go 40-0 against a team above you (which would now be a team below you). Do they have donut-flavored Hot Pockets?

45. Alamo Omens (Was 45)
The reason why Hill County is in the Top 50 is because the Omena lost to them 22-18 to move down into second place.

46. Striking Vipers (NEW)
The Vipers now move into first place in the Inner Coastal. Maybe not the most impressive of ways, but if you go 40-40 and your opponent goes 31-49 during that same time period, you thank them for first and move on.

47 Lucifer’s Den (Was 47)
Had a shot at first, but their opponent said Hell, no.

48. The Chosen Ones (Was 48)
The 36-4 wins over the Coalition keeps them in the Top 50 and sort of negates the 36-4 loss. Sort of.

49. Paradise Cartel (Was 49)
They do just enough to keep the Savages at bay, despite losing to them 22-18. Still, second place, is second place.

50 G.O,A.T. (Was 51)
So going 38-2 is great. Even against TPD. Baaaaaaahhhhh

51. The Risen (Was 50)
Blah blah blah blah 92-28 for the past 3 matches blah blah first place blah blah Virginia District needs to show me something blah blah blabbity blah,.

NEXT 5: River City Anarchy, Loose Cannons, Identity Crisis, Carolina Rollers, Outrage

OUT: Dirty South Legends, BC Crew, Collateral Damage, Stay Dangerous, King’s Court, Immortals, Reaper Crew, The Washington Replacements

Top 50

AS OF JANUARY 1, 2026