Top 50 Motivational Rankings – 11/1/24-11/29/24

1. come to the Top 50! This is the part where you’re really happy, or – and this is the usual response – you wish to get motivated. Will I be accurate this year? Or will I be completely off and I get yelled at? Either way, please have fun. And as for my prerequisites…
2. Style points count.
3. Keep in mind that with over 200 teams competing (with an increase of teams) this season, this list represents less than the top 25% of the UBA. If you’re on here, consider that some kudos.
4. If you’re not in the Top 4 in your district, you’re not here. That means we’re getting a lot of movement early.
5. This is for fun. Don’t get salty, get motivated.
6. Yes, I know there’s districts with byes. And yes, if it’s a close race, sometimes teams will fall out due to said byes. I learned my lesson last year when teams with byes complained about that. When I decided to be nice and rewarded teams with extra spots, said teams didn’t make the playoffs because they didn’t get the points needed when the teams over them had byes and I looked like more of a moron than usual. This season, if you try to use that argument, I will just mention that Nice is a city in France and send you on your way. Deal with it.
7. In the words of Andre Welbon – many teams here will not be here in August. So just enjoy it. While you can.
8. There’s 88 teams that make the playoffs. As you can see above, this is a Top 50. That means 38 teams who make the playoffs will not be featured here and certain people on social media will whine like a little girl who lost her dog. I deal with it every year. It’s fun.
9. I love all feedback, so keep it coming 🙂

So here we go with the rankings….

1. Str8 Bizness Cartel (102 / 3: DMV South: 1st Place / Was 1)
   Last season (and some seasons before then) you had a SBC team that sometimes was phoning it in. None of that is happening this season. Repeat trip to Battle Bowl may be in the discussion a little too early, but it is in the discussion.
2. BC Crew (126 / 4: Long Island / 1st Place: Was 3)
   Put foot on gas? Check. Step on other teams’ throats? Check. Destruction of everyone in Long Island? We’ll see.
3. Hitmen (86 / 3: Capital 2nd place: Was 4)
   Here come the Hitmen, as advertised. Are they in first without taking the bye? Maybe, but they will have more than enough time to prove on the lanes that they should be going back to back to back.
4. Mutiny (93 / 3 DMV North 2nd Place: Was 2)
   Yeah they did win, and yeah they are still 3-0 in tour stops, but that ‘2nd’ in front of them instead of first means that they get dinged a little by a few teams who won and kept their positions.
5. M.O.P. Nation Militia (170 / 5: New England North 2nd Place: Was 6)
   They lost 2 points off of their deficit against Identity Crisis but are still within range to catch them when IC take their bye – or when they see each other head to head, which is going to be sooner than later.
6. Identity Crisis (196 / 6 New England North 1st Place: Was 9)
   Speaking of which…..hi there. A very early showdown with ramifications on who gets the lead in the New England Month coming soon…
7. Hills Have Eyes (133 / 4: PA South 1st Place Was 10)
   Sometimes losing is the best thing to happen to a team. The loss in the playoffs clearly has HHE running on all cylinders. If they keep this up, no one’s going to catch them and they’ll get a first round bye.
8. Outkasts (144 / 4: Capital 1st place / Was 13)
   How to win the District? Make a big enough lead so that the Hitmen, even coming off of their bye, can’t catch them. Right now, it’s at 58 points, which will still give them an 18 point cushion if the Hitmen go 40-0. Can they continue this for the rest of the season?
9. The M.O.B. (130 / 4 Queen City 1st Place Was 14)
   This is a great start for the M.O.B.. That being said, a majority of their wins are against the bottom half of the league. They have a mid-packer to deal with on the next tour stop, and then the fun really begins.
10. Beast Squad (106 / 4: Sandhills 1st Place: Was 16)
    They are getting some nice wins, but their hold on first is VERY tentative, thanks to a High Octane Team 15 points back who took their bye and another team we shall be talking about later on in this column.
11. Paradise Cartel (117 / 4 Palmetto 1st place Was 19)
    The Gatekeepers and the Savages are the only teams within 40 points of them. That being said, both teams are ones the Cartel need to fear – or use some suggestive maneuvering (We in the UBA would never suggest such violence against humans. Only against pins).
12. Murder Inc. (84 / 3: NJ North 1st Place: Was 7)
    They still have first place, but after that last match, it’s clear that it could be Arsenal season.
13. Impact (100 / 3: DMV Central 3rd Place: Was 31)
    Ok so Uncle Gordon said some not so nice things because you were in third place. Then came the stomping this past tour stop that was inevitably going to happen. Uncle Gordon apologizes and puts you back to where you should be for most of the season. Does that mean that Uncle Gordon will no longer say bad things about you? Probably not.
14. DC Mafia (92 / 3): DMV South 2nd Place: Was 33)
    Based on averaging over 30 points per tour stop, DC Mafia would be in first place in over half of the UBA districts. Unfortunately, they are in the same district as the top ranked SBC – though they will have a chance to change that with destiny in their own hands.
15. Area 51-8 (128 / 4: Empire 1st Place Was 20)
    No matches since the last Top 50, so they move up due to other teams losing.
16. Disorderly Conduct (117 / 4: Triad 1st Place / Was 28)
    This is what you need to do in the UBA – win convincingly against the teams you need to. Big win for DC jumps them up a bunch of spots.
17. The Risen (84 / 3: Virginia T-1st Place: Was 8)
    That last was sort of like yeast in a souffle. It was starting to rise, but then was a little fluffy and threatened to turn over. They may have taken a team for granted and now sharing is caring.
18. Synergy (112/ 4: Inner Coastal 1st Place: Was 34)
    Why were they in the 30’s again? Oh yeah, because everyone else was winning. And Gordon is a moron. You can say that. I won’t hold it against you.
19. Train Wreck (116 / 4: NJ Shore / 3rd Place Was 35)
    No reason needed to explain why they dropped – they took a loss early. With the convincing win, they are back in the Top 20. If you want to call Gordon a moron anyway because how dare last year’s runner-ups fall to the 30’s, I’m okay with that also. I’m a big boy. I can handle it.
20. AC Express (80 / 3: NJ South 1st Place: NEW)
    Let’s be honest – last year was not a great season for them (for whatever reason). However, they are now back with a passion, as this team that has perpetually been ranked in the Top 20 once again shows up to take their rightful spot in the rankings.
21. Bulletproof (72 / 3: NJ South 3rd place: Was 5)
    Once upon a time, AC Express ruled over this district. This past match was a strong message that they want first place back. Message received.
22. Royal Flush (116 / 4: Long Island / 2nd Place: Was 38)
    No, the math is correct. They got a 40-0 win and are now 38 points over third. Right now, it’s them and BC crew and no one else that should be in the Top 50.
23. South Jersey Strike Force (126 / 4 PA North 2nd Place Was 43)
    They have beaten some good teams so far. Plus they have some WCS title holders. They could threaten to take the PA North if no one else is careful.
24. DMV Titans (80/3: DMV Central / 2nd Place Was 11)
    Infamous has decided to play the role of Kronos and smush some of the Titans (dropping some Greek mythology knowledge.)
25. Striking Vipers (94 / 3: Inner Coastal 3rd Place Was 22)
    They took the blind and saw themselves fall in the standings. They won’t get rewarded with that here. Womp womp.
26. Bowlorama Express (124 / 4 / NE South 2nd place Was 25)
    They get their bye and drop a spot. I can’t penalize them for that, but I can’t let them move up, either. So they get to hang out in the bar with the Striking Vipers and order a few brewskis.
27. The Arsenal (82 / 3 NJ North / 2nd Place Was 39)
    So it’s supposed to be a walk for Murder Inc. this season? Not so fast, says Arsenal.
28. Lane Crashers (115 / 4: Brooklyn/Queens / 2nd Place Was 12)
    One of the reasons why the Brooklyn / Queens teams don’t spend a lot of time in the Top Ten is because there’s too many good teams that wind up teeing off against each other. This time around, the Crashers lose to The Franchise, who have no business being in 8th – but that’s how good this district is.
29. City Morgue (120 / 4: Metro 1st place: Was 46)
    I joke around with the whole respect thing, but blowing out second place 38-2 to take a 20 point lead in your district is a good way to get a bunch of that respect.
30. H Town (92 / 3: Central Texas 1st Place NEW)
    Welcome to the Top 50! Please enjoy yourself during the ride, which sometimes, in the words of Lil’ Wayne, can cause TURBULENCE!
31. King’s Court (124 / 4 Queen City / 2nd Place Was 40)
    Whatever mojo the court lost last season, they found it again. Sort of, because they need to do this against the teams with winning records, which they haven’t done quite yet. Time will tell.
32. Conspiracy Theory (110 / 4 Triad / T-2nd Place Was 41)
    Last time out, it was the Top 4 teams in the Triad that had a noticeable gap between them and everyone else in the district. Now it’s the Top 3. The Theory is one of said three.
33. Sub-Zero (110 / 4: Triad T-2nd Place Was 18)
    So is Sub-Zero, but they did themselves no favors this time around. Losing to TCB, who was in the bottom half of the district, was ice cold.
34. Top Shelf Stunners (80 / 3 Deep South 2nd Place Was 21)
    That loss was less stunning and more stunting, as in stunting their chances of moving up in the Top 50.
35. The Lion’s Den (98 / 3 DMV North 2nd Place Was 47)
    TLD has shown they want to play with the big Lions. Who’s got the kibble?
36. Dragons (113 / 4 Midlands 1st Place Was 23)
    They are in first place, but the loss allowed the fair prince to rescue the maiden and make a safe retreat back to the castle. Not a complete defeat, but a loss that will force them to rethink their strategy if the dragon wants the maiden back.
37. Total Pin Destruction (104 / 4 Sand Hills Second Place Was 50)
    Last time around, the idea was to give them some shine, because they haven’t had any and they deserved to get some. Now that they are in second….well, maybe they are going to stay here for awhile. One of the more pleasant surprises of the season so far.
38. Secret Society (99 / 4: PA South: 3rd Was 27)
    Any shot to take control of the PA South went away when they lost 29-11 to the Hills Have Eyes, which is why they have a 26 point lead in the PA South. I completely expect some disrespect coming, but numbers don’t lie.
39. The Watchmen (100 / 3: Coastal 2nd Place NEW)
    The Watchmen have taken their bye and are only 12 points behind Synergy. They are watching you. They are watching me write this as we speak. Cue eyeball emoji.
40. Striking Results All Stars (84 / 3: Deep South: 1st place NEW)
    We’ve seen the results, and they are impressive. This logjam will get itself figured out as the season progresses, but as of right now, we have a whole bunch of Deep South arising.
41. Dirty South Legendz (74/ 3: Deep South: 2nd Place / Was 30)
    Last season, the DSL had some great hits, but they also had some misses when they were losing to teams that they had no business losing to. This past tour stop reminded us that they still had some of those ‘misses’ they need to clean up on.
42. Silent Killerz (117 / 4: Brooklyn Queens 1st Place Was 30)
    You would think that because the Silent Killerz moved into first place that I would move them up a lot of spots. As the only reason why they are in first is because their loss was not as bad as the Lane Crasher’s loss, you would think wrongly.
43. Lightz Out (110 / 4: Brooklyn Queens: 3rd Place / NEW)
    Based on the history alone, they should be getting in. However, since it’s the BQ, they could be dropped to 5th place by the next tour stop. I hope they aren’t.
44. Mutiny (93 / 3: DMV North 2nd Place NEW)
    Sure, it’s an early sample size, but the fact that they are in second while some powerhouse teams in that district aren’t says something about how good this team is. Of course the fact that they showed exactly how good they are last season doesn’t hurt.
45. Body Bagz (78 / 3 DMV Central Was 42)
    I’m trying to remember if I told the new teams that in order to stay in the Top 50, they have to win, right? I don’t remember.
46. Menace II Society (102 / 4 Queen City 3rd Place NEW)
    If I’m going to say how competitive the Queen City is, I have to throw in a few teams in the Top 50, right? This is usually a team mentioned in the playoff talk every season, so it’s nice to see them with a strong start this season.
47. Long Island Legendz (74 / 3 : Long Island 3rd Place Was 44)
    They had the bye, so they get to hang out right about here. They have a lot of work to do though.
48. Royalty On Da Lanes (100 / 4 Metro 2nd place Was 45)
    That was not a great showing last time out. A few more of those and they shall be replaced…
49. Class aXe (92 / 4 Metro 3rd Place NEW)
    And here’s one of said teams who want to replace them. Some guy named Cooley who has joined them definitely doesn’t hurt their chances.
50. Op3n B0wl3r2 (125 / 5 1st New England South NEW)
    My policy is that if you’re in first place, you get a spot in the Top 50. That being said, they are in the bottom because 1. Bowlerama, who has taken their bye, is a point behind them and 2. I have ZERO faith in the New England South and the odds are they could have a repeat in the 0-6 disaster that was the first round of the playoffs last season. So until they win at least one game in the playoffs as a district, I will continue to have no faith in them, Zero. Zip. Squat. Nunca.

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OUT: Pocket Kingz, Quiet Storm, Southhampton Samurai, Alamo Omens, Beach Brawlers, Da Garden Foundation, Washington Replacements, All In!, Goon Squad