Top 50 Motivational Rankings – 6/8/24-7/5/24

Welcome to the Top 50! This is the part where you’re really happy, or – and this is the usual response – you wish to get motivated. Just a reminder – three of the 4 semi-finalists had the #1 at some point of the year (and the other one got to #5) so I sort of know what I’m talking about. Sometimes. But please have fun. And as for my prerequisites…

1. Style points count.
2. Keep in mind that with over 200 teams competing (with an increase of teams) this season, this list represents less than the top 25% of the UBA. If you’re on here, consider that some kudos.
3. If you’re not in the Top 4 in your district, you’re not here. That means we’re getting a lot of movement early.
4. This is for fun. Don’t get salty, get motivated.
5. Yes, I know there’s districts with byes. And yes, if it’s a close race, sometimes teams will fall out due to said byes. I learned my lesson last year when teams with byes complained about that. When I decided to be nice and rewarded teams with extra spots, said teams didn’t make the playoffs because they didn’t get the points needed when the teams over them had byes and I looked like more of a moron than usual. This season, if you try to use that argument, I will just mention that Nice is a city in France and send you on your way. Deal with it.
6. In the words of Andre Welbon – many teams here will not be here in August. So just enjoy it. While you can.
7. There’s 88 teams that make the playoffs. As you can see above, this is a Top 50 (I dropped it back down from 51. I’m not feeling generous anymore). That means 38 teams who make the playoffs will not be featured here and certain people on social media will whine like a little girl who lost her dog. I deal with it every year. It’s fun.
8. I love all feedback, so keep it coming 🙂

So here we go with the rankings….

1. Hitmen (435 / 13: Capital 1st place: Was 1)
   Congratulations to the Hitmen who finish the season going 13-0 in regular season play. Now can they get to Battle Bowl?
2. New England Heat (398/ 12: NE South 1st Place Was 2)
   Because they clinched first place, they didn’t have to bowl a 13th match, so their undefeated record stands. Excellent season for them.
3. JustUs League (374 / 13: Brooklyn/Queens 1st Place / Was 5)
   They win the Brooklyn Queens and ALSO finish with an undefeated Tour Stop record. A lot of their matches were nailbiters though – and while it means that they may not be as flashy as some of their rivals, the fact that they came out on top in every close match could bode well for them in the playoffs.
4. Usual Suspects (373 / 13: PA South 1st Place: Was 4)
   #2 seed in the Northeast Conference playoffs is not too shabby.
5. High Powered (375 / 13: DMV South: 1st Place / Was 6)
   You want to talk about sending a message? 36-4 against second place sends a message.
6. Dirty South Legendz (358/ 13: Deep South: 1st Place / Was 8)
   They got the bye while other teams around them fell. Could this be a good omen in the playoffs?
7. Da Garden Foundation (374 / 13: NJNW 1st Place: Was 10)
   Speaking of sending a message: 32-8 over Murder Inc. does that. Could they be seeing each other again this weekend? If they do, expect fireworks much bigger than Independence Day.
8. Spartanberg Savages (318 / 13: Palmetto 1st Place: Was 11)
   They get hot at the right time to also claim a district title. The playoffs awaits.
9. Bulletproof (364/ 13: NJ South 1st place: Was 12)
   With a lot at stake, they come through big time. Could this be the year that they take the next step and get to Delaware?
10. City Morgue (355 / 13: Metro 1st place: Was 17)
    Major props to City Morgue for not lying down after taking the points that they needed to clinch first. Getting the win and not falling asleep when they could have will help them greatly through the playoffs and we could see a repeat trip by them en route to Delaware.
11. Impact (387 / 13: DMV Central 1st Place: Was 15)
    See you in July. Maybe in August?
12. M.O.P. Nation Militia (348 / 12: New England North 1st Place: Was 3)
    You see what City Morgue did? That’s what M.O.P. didn’t do, as they went night night after getting what they needed to clinch the New England North. Now I’m sure members of their team will complain at me and say that they didn’t have anything to play for, but as teams who lose their last match in first place have a horrible record of making it to Delaware, boy will I be living rent free in their head if they don’t make it out of Round 2 this weekend.
13. Outrage (352/ 13: DMV North 1st Place: Was 19)
    I STILL think they are too low, but they were shaky for most of the season until turning it on at the end. I wouldn’t want to see them on my path to Battle Bowl.
14. Synergy (338 / 13: Inner Coastal 1st Place: Was 20)
    They are loud. And rude. And win, which is a formulaic pattern of really good UBA teams. If you don’t bring the energy against them, you’re leaving the party early.
15. BC Crew (350 / 13: Long Island / 1st Place: Was 39)
    This late in the season, going 72-8 in the last 2 matches and seeing your fortunes elevate from ‘in danger of making the playoffs’ to ‘District Champion’ gets you a well-deserved 20+ spot jump.
16. New World Order (360 / 13: Triad 1st Place: Was 9)
    Sure they won the District, but if anyone knows my rules, it’s if you lose, you don’t get to stay in the Top Ten. You may continue the whining of ‘well we didn’t need the points’ now.
17. G-Town Heavy Hitters (358 / 13: Queen City / 2nd Place Was 21)
    They didn’t get the district, but they did get the win, which emulated what they did last season on the way to the Wilder Cup. Can they do it again this season?
18. High Voltage (344 / 13: Virginia: 1st Place / Was 25)
    Are they in the Top 20 because they finished strong or because a bunch of teams in front of them lost? The answer is yes.
19. Reaper Crew (339 / 13: NJ Shore 1st place / Was 13)
    Let’s be honest. If you saw the match, they didn’t as much win the district as Train Wreck’s middle pair had a horrific 10th frame that the Reapers capitalized on. Sure, that’s what good teams do, but if there’s any team that had the definition of backed into a district, it’s the Reapers.
20. D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. (375 / 13: Queen City 1st Place: Was 16)
    18 points in June does get you the Queen City title. Now that July has hit, 18 points will only get you a ticket to your seat to see everyone else left compete for the UBA Title.
21. Smurf Nation (356 / 13: NJ South 2nd Place Was 27)
    They could have folded like a set of deck chairs, but the Smurfs took 32 and were rewarded with second place in the NJ South. Smurfalicious.
22. Alamo Omens (350 / 13: Central Texas 1st Place Was 20)
    Congratulations to the Alamo Omens, who win the inaugural Central Texas district. Can they win the postseason as well?
23. Disorderly Conduct (350 / 13: Triad 2nd Place / Was 31)
    Another team that’s heating up at the right time for the playoffs. Keep in mind that they recently made an appearance at Battle Bowl, so this is also a team you don’t want to see in your playoff bracket.
24. DC Mafia (336 / 13): DMV South 3rd Place: Was 32)
    For a team that was struggling just to get into the playoffs, they had a very nice surge to get into the second position. Another dangerous team in a playoff bracket full of dangerous teams.
25. House Shot Heros (336 / 13: New England North 2nd Place: Was 34)
    Another team that fell too far to make up enough ground to catch first but settling for second place is a nice consolation prize.
26. Carolina Rampage (302 / 13: Palmetto 3rd Place: Was 24)
    Sure they are in the playoffs, so it could have been a lot worse. That being said, they picked a bad week to have a bad week.
27. Lane Crashers (342 / 13: Brooklyn/Queens 2nd Place / Was 18)
    They went up against Justus League and crashed. Yes, I took full credit for the bad pun, but there’s no other way to describe it.
28. Beast Squad (309 / 13: Sandhills 1st Place: Was 37)
    Yeah, they clinched and yeah they got what they needed, BUT limping into the playoffs almost never works out for anyone. They usually say ‘Sure, Gordon, we can turn it on once the playoffs start’ and then ask for the license plate of the truck that ran them over in the first or second round.
29. South Jersey Strike Force (316 / 13: PA North / 1st Place / Was 30)
    Yay Tiebreaker!
30. All In! (316 / 13: PA North 2nd Place: Was 36)
    Stupid Tiebreaker.
31. Murder Inc. (300 / 13: NWNJ 2nd Place: Was 39)
    For winning second place, you reward is…a second round opponent that just dusted you 32-8 two Tour Stops ago. Thanks?
32. Augusta Reign (316 / 13: Palmetto 2nd Place Was 22)
    Maybe a little bit disappointing since they were leading their district for a chunk of the season, but they did make the playoffs in second, so that’s something to be proud about.
33. Striking Vipers (321 / 13: Inner Coastal 2nd place: Was 29)
    They need to be really happy about what happened at the bottom of the standings. This is a standard textbook definition of backing into the playoffs.
34. Outkasts (355 / 13: Capital 2nd Place / Was 33)
    They had absolutely nothing to play for – and bowled like they had absolutely nothing to play for. Blech.
35. Secret Society (320 / 13: PA South: 2nd Was 43)
    They take the Team Rankings, so they get to move up a few spots.
36. The Risen (340 / 13: Virginia 3rd Place: Was 49)
    The 38-2 pounding was impressive. Could they be priming for a playoff run?
37. Absolute Chaos (346 / 13: NJ South: 3rd Place / Was 7)
    So they have a shot to win the NJ South and instead drop all the way to third. If that’s not the definition of chaos….
38. Str8 Bizness Cartel (318 / 13: DMV South: 3rd Place / Was 14)
    They take 4 points and plunge down to third – almost 4th – in what was an unmitigated disaster.
39. Royal Flush (335 / 13: Long Island / 3rd Place: Was 23)
    Continuing the theme of teams that absolutely didn’t show up on the last Tour Stop, Royal Flush just had to go mid-double digits to win the Long Island District. As you can see by the third place next to their name, they clearly did not do that.
40. NWO Wolfpack (350 / 13: DMV North 2nd Place: Was 35)
    When you’re bowling Outrage, you need to carry the same sort of intensity you know Outrage will be bringing with them. Clearly, the Wolfpack didn’t and they paid for it. If they come out like that in the playoffs, their stint will be quite brief.
41. The Tribe (323 / 13: Metro 2nd Place: Was 26)
    They put in a huge scare to City Morgue before falling just short. Still, they have the firepower to make noise in the playoffs.
42. Latino All-Stars (310/ 13: NJNE 2nd Place: Was 47)
    Miguel Carrion has a lot of belts. He almost added District Champion to that, but they fall short in the tenth frame. Their anchor bowlers would like a few shots back.
43. The Arsenal (317/ 13: NJNE 1st Place: Was 46)
    The Arsenal hasn’t won a Tour Stop since March and are 51-109 for the past 4 tour stops, yet had enough of a lead to clinch first. Potentially up next – the team that eliminated them from the playoffs last season. Uh oh.
44. The Fallout (368 / 13: NE South: 2nd Place / Was 50)
    They get back into the playoffs. Now can they do better than ‘here’s your consolation prize for being here’?.
45. Train Wreck (330 / 13: NJ Shore / 2nd Place Was 51)
    THIS close to shocking the world and the Reapers. The playoffs await.
46. Hot Pockets (337 / 13: DMV Central: 2nd: Was 41)
    Impact turned them into overheated mushy melty pockets. You know, the ones that goo up on the table that you need a spatula to scrape off.
47. Magna Carta (322 / 13: DMV Central 3rd Place: Was 42)
    But Magna Carta can’t capitalize and hence has to settle for third place in the DMV Central.
48. Rival Alliance (320 / 13: PA South: 2nd Was 47)
    Not much going on here until July.
49. Class aXe (308 / 13: Metro 4th Place NEW)
    They clearly wanted the playoffs and the win more than Controlled Chao$ did, so why not give them their Top 50 spot as well? Seems like the correct thing to do.
50. Conspiracy Theory (347 / 13 Triad: 3rd Place NEW)
    It’s a Conspiracy that they’ve been left off the chart until now. So let’s put them back on.

NEXT 5 IN: Lightz Out, Release the Kraken, The Watchmen, The Disciples, The M.O.B.

OUT: Framed 4 Murda, Controlled Chao$, Fearless