Top 50 Motivational Rankings – 11/30/24-1/3/25

1. Welcome to the Top 50! This is the part where you’re really happy, or – and this is the usual response – you wish to get motivated. Will I be accurate this year? Or will I be completely off and I get yelled at? Either way, please have fun. And as for my prerequisites…
2. Style points count.
3. Keep in mind that with over 200 teams competing (with an increase of teams) this season, this list represents less than the top 25% of the UBA. If you’re on here, consider that some kudos.
4. If you’re not in the Top 4 in your district, you’re not here. That means we’re getting a lot of movement early.
5. This is for fun. Don’t get salty, get motivated.
6. Yes, I know there’s districts with byes. And yes, if it’s a close race, sometimes teams will fall out due to said byes. I learned my lesson last year when teams with byes complained about that. When I decided to be nice and rewarded teams with extra spots, said teams didn’t make the playoffs because they didn’t get the points needed when the teams over them had byes and I looked like more of a moron than usual. This season, if you try to use that argument, I will just mention that Nice is a city in France and send you on your way. Deal with it.
7. In the words of Andre Welbon – many teams here will not be here in August. So just enjoy it. While you can.
8. There’s 88 teams that make the playoffs. As you can see above, this is a Top 50. That means 38 teams who make the playoffs will not be featured here and certain people on social media will whine like a little girl who lost her dog. I deal with it every year. It’s fun.
9. I love all feedback, so keep it coming 🙂

So here we go with the rankings….

1. Str8 Bizness Cartel (138 / 4: DMV South: 1st Place / Was 1)
   The worst they have done all year is 32 points. Yet, if there are naysayers around here (and in the UBA, there always are), they could say – and rightly so – that SBC hasn’t played anyone of note yet. That will change relatively soon.
2. BC Crew (126 / 4: Long Island / 1st Place: Was 2)
   The impressive thing is that they took their bye and are STILL in first place. Whether that’s because of the ineptitude of some of the teams chasing them is up for debate, but we’ll go with the portfolio of BC Crew.
3. Hitmen (112 / 4: Capital 2nd place: Was 3)
   I’m pretty sure that ‘Smash aiding Hitmen to keep first place within reach’ was not on anyone’s bingo card to end out 2024.
4. Identity Crisis (226 / 7 New England North 1st Place: Was 6)
   Winner of the battle between them and M.O.P. Nation Militia. They can’t breathe too much in a sigh of relief, though a slight sigh of contentment would be acceptable at this stage of the game.
5. Hills Have Eyes (165 / 5: PA South 1st Place Was 7)
   Last time around, I said that if they keep winning, no one was going to catch them. Well, they are still winning, and the gap between them and everyone else is 36 points. They are looking to feast on more than just bowling pins…
6. The M.O.B. (165 / 5 Queen City 1st Place Was 9)
   The wins against Menace II Society and D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. look a lot more impressive now than they did when they defeated them. That all being said, position round is coming up, and should the M.O.B. take out King’s Court, then they could have a huge gap between them and everyone else.
7. High Octane (122 / 4: Sand Hills 1st place NEW)
   Now according to my rules, I can’t put up a team (even though I think they should be in the Top 50) unless / until they get themselves into a playoff spot. This is now the case for High Octane, as they knock off Beast Squad to jump into first place in the Sand Hills. And since they have already taken their bye, High Octane has a chance to make a breakaway early. By the way, have I mentioned that they won the Last Team Standing and have won three straight UBA tournaments? We shall see if they can maintain this during the summer but you can argue that they are one of the hottest teams in the winter.
8. Paradise Cartel (173 / 6 Palmetto 1st place Was 11)
   The Gatekeepers and the Savages are keeping up, but just barely as the Cartel has almost eclipsed everyone by a full tour stop. Southeast New Team of the Year?
9. Impact (126 / 4: DMV Central 3rd Place: Was 13)
   Sometimes small wins count as much as big wins – especially when it’s district Vs. district and the teams chasing you don’t nearly do as well as you do. As a result, there’s a 34 point gap between the top 4 teams and everyone else, while Impact is enjoying a 16 point lead over second and third.
10. DC Mafia (120 / 4): DMV South 2nd Place: Was 14)
    DC Mafia plays SBC on March 2. Is there a chance that both DMV South teams will stay undefeated in tour stop play until then?
11. Synergy (179/ 6: Inner Coastal 1st Place: Was 18)
    Going 67-13 for the last 2 tour stops is a really good way to jump a few teams while knocking on the door to the Top Ten.
12. Area 51-8 (184 / 6: Empire 1st Place Was 15)
    I know I’m going to get letters (Hi WIlliam Cron!) but as long as they keep cruising in the Empire District, you can’t ding them too much. Now how do I compare them when they move into the land of the Big Boy teams? We’ll figure that out when we figure it out.
13. Nation of Domination (110 / 4: NJ South 1st Place NEW)
    Now 70-10 for the past 2 tour stops, the NOD are now in front of the pack in the NJ South (we’ll ignore the 30-10 loss to Bullet Proof for now, as the standings clearly have)
14. AC Express (106 / 4: NJ South 2nd Place: Was 20)
    They are now 96-24 for the past 3 tour stops, but they get jumped by the Nation of Domination, who clearly show that they are not going to go away this season.
15. Murder Inc. (132 / 5: NJ North 2nd Place: Was 12)
    So one of the Muder Inc-ers bemoaned that 7 of their members shot 700 or better and they still got stuck in a 20-20 tie. That’s the way the pins bounce, and because of said tie, Murder Inc. is now looking up at first placed Arsenal.
16. Mutiny (103 / 4 DMV North 3rd Place: Was 2)
    Winning and moving down will be frowned upon, but won’t really affect the Top 50 standings by any more than a few spots. Losing another spot in your district because you fell to a DMV Central Rival, however…well that’s going to get you dinged up.
17. DMV Titans (110/4: DMV Central / T-2nd Place Was 24)
    A nice (and necessary) bounce-back from the Titans, who can take care of their bretherens from the North. Can they continue to string the wins along?
18. M.O.P. Nation Militia (170 / 5: New England North 2nd Place: Was 5)
    Losers of the battle between them and Identity Crisis. The loss could mean nothing by the end of the season and maybe a blip on the way to another Battle Bowl, but it means something now.
19. City Morgue (156 / 5: Metro 1st place: Was 29)
    Another big win and another vault up the chart. Only Class aXe is within 50 points of them as the Morge is making their way to locking up another playoff spot.
20. The Lion’s Den (132 / 4 DMV North 1st Place: Was 35)
    A Very impressive win against a non-district opponent. That all being said, if the Den was Mufasa (Fun movie, btw. Go see it), then they need to be worried about Scar peering over their shoulder….
21. Outrage (110 / 4: DMV North 2nd Place: NEW)
    Here’s the other team that I’ve been waiting to put in the Top 50. And waiting. And waiting. Now that they are finally in second place, they can make their presence known to the Lion’s Den.
22. Outkasts (147 / 5: Capital 1st place / Was 8)
    So by losing to Smash(!!??!!?!), the Outkasts now put themselves in a spot to be jumped by them and the aforementioned Hitmen. I don’t know what’s more distressing to the Outkasts – that they could be jumped by the Hitmen or that they lost to Smash.
23. Smash (117 / 5: Capital 2nd Place / NEW)
    When you beat Outkasts 37-3, you’ll wind up here. If they are the team to give the Hitmen their first regular season loss in close to 3 years, then we may see dogs and cats living together in harmony.
24. King’s Court (160 / 5 Queen City / 2nd Place Was 31)
    Another Tour Stop, another win against a sub .500 opponent. They are running out of sub .500 opponents to beat up on, so either they are going to live up to the current hype, or have one of the biggest plunges in UBA history. Anyone have a time machine to figure this one out?
25. Beast Squad (122 / 4: Sandhills 2nd Place: Was 10)
    They had a chance to make a statement against High Octane. The statement wound up being ‘Sorry for being in your spot. We’ll get out of your way while you take the throne and we’ll relegate ourselves to the sofa out in the back porch. Would you like a sweet tea while we’re out on the patio?’
26. Conspiracy Theory (172 / 6 Triad / 1st Place Was 32)
    Maybe there’s a conspiracy with them being the only team in the Triad that hasn’t taken a tour stop loss. Or maybe there’s a conspiracy that despite that…
27. Sub-Zero (171 / 6: Triad 2nd Place Was 33)
    …and despite Sub-Zero taking a 10 point loss a few Tour Stops ago, they are back in full fury and are a teeny weeny point behind the Theorists. Anyone have Oliver Stone’s number?
28. South Jersey Strike Force (142 / 5 PA North 1st Place Was 23)
    So they move into first. YAY! But they lose and only take 16 points in doing so. BOO! What to do? Put them right here.
29. The Arsenal (134 / 5 NJ North / 2nd Place Was 27)
    With the most recent win and Arsenal moving up to first place, I should put them higher BUT right before their most recent win, they also lost to Total Mayhem 22-18, which means I’m splitting out the difference. Meh.
30. H Town (132 / 4: Central Texas 1st Place Was 30)
    I don’t know how much credence I can put into that specific 40 point win. But it’s good enough to move them up a little.
31. Train Wreck (146 / 6: NJ Shore / 3rd Place Was 19)
    One win and one loss during their 2 tour stops is showing that Train Wreck…well…can’t seem to get out of the station. Thank you folks, I’ll be here all week.
32. Secret Society (129 / 5: PA South: 3rd Was 38)
    So you all got steamed off at me for ranting on you last match huh? Good. Let the motivation flow right through you. Bwa ha ha ha haaaaaaa.
33. Lightz Out (148 / 5: Brooklyn Queens: 3rd Place / Was 43)
    LO are on a roll. Going 76-4 for the past 2 tour stops will get them into first place. For now. Until the next team beats them up, because this is what the Brooklyn/Queens District is all about.
34. Menace II Society (138 / 5 Queen City 3rd Place Was 46)
    The Top 2 teams in the Queen City have started to figure themselves out. MII2 is sort of in bowling hyperspace, caught between the 160’s and the 110’s. Still, if you’re stuck in the middle, you may as well win.
35. Class aXe (130 / 5 Metro 3rd Place Was 49)
    The aXe is starting to sharpen, which is what would have been expected a few tour stops ago. The predicted aXe / City Morgue rivalry is starting to take shape.
36. Lane Crashers (125 / 5: Brooklyn/Queens / 3rd Place Was 28)
    So speaking about the pinball machine that is Brooklyn/Queens…hi there. Did you enjoy first?
37. Royal Flush (124 / 5: Long Island / 2nd Place: Was 22)
    They are still in ok shape, but having a chance to take a nice lead in the Long Island District and instead not taking any sort of lead because they lose to Next Level has got to sting.
38. Striking Results All Stars (142 / 5: Deep South: 1st place Was 40)
    Last time out, the All-Stars did enough to just sneak into first. now they have a 22 point lead over everyone else in the Deep South. Can they continue the surge?
39. Dirty South Legendz (120 / 5: Deep South: 2nd Place / Was 41)
    More uneven work from DSL, but they are still hanging in there. That being said, 6th place is 8 points behind them, so any more inconsistency and they will be looking at second instead of being in second.
40. Dragons (153 / 6 Midlands 1st Place Was 36)
    Going 20-20 for the past 2 tour stops is still trying to figure out what the Dungeon Master is up to. Apparently, he’s still tinkering with the party before they go into their next melee.
41. Pocket Kingz (167 / 6: Central Jersey 1st Place NEW)
    I feel like asking about the Real Slim Shady – will the real Pocket Kingz please stand up? Maybe they are good – or maybe the issues they have had in the NJNW are coming up to play with them now. Time will tell.
42. Bowlorama Express (132 / 5 / NE South 3rd place Was 26)
    The problem with being told you are going to get first place right back after the bye is that you actually need to win these games, and not lose 32-8. So they get to drop as they see Uncle Warren in their rear view mirror.
43. Body Bagz (110 / 4 DMV Central T-2nd Place Was 45)
    Well, that’s better in terms of getting a win, although now they have to share second place with the DMV Titans. Sharing is caring.
44. Disorderly Conduct (153 / 6: Triad 3rd Place / Was 16)
    Remember when I said nice things about DC? That was before they took a donut to TCB. Sure they are still in a playoff position, but that’s one heck of a piece of coal in the New Years’ Stocking.
45. Silent Killerz (126 / 5: Brooklyn Queens 2nd Place Was 42)
    You know the Young Frankenstein scene where all of the cast gets to roll in the hay while the wagon is moving? That’s with the Top 3 teams here in Brooklyn Queens. I’ll wait until the wagon stops before I begin to figure this mess out.
46. High Powered (120 / 4: DMV South T-2nd NEW)
    Averaging 30 points per tour stop does need to get some love. It’s not like they are slouches either – they have been in the Top 50 before.
47. Fearless (102 / 4: Virginia T-1st Place NEW)
    Dear SBC – Thank you for smushing The Risen to the point that they get knocked out of the Top 50 and we get to jump onboard, being that Gordon has to put in a first placed team in each district. Hugs and Kisses, Fearless.
48. Gladiators (102 / 4: Virginia T-1st Place NEW)
    Gladiators: Don’t forget to add on as the co-signees, Fearless. Fearless: Oh yeah, sorry..
49. Goon Squad (152 / 6 NJ Central 2nd Place NEW)
    They have collected pieces and have started eeking out small victories. Is this the year that they make a run at the NJ Central?
50. Op3n B0wl3r2 (149 / 6 1st New England South NEW)
    Last time around, I explained that my policy is that if you’re in first place, you get a spot in the Top 50. Well, they are still here, and with Bowlerama losing, they get to stay here for another poll.

NEXT 5: Total Mayhem, The Avengers, Motion 2 Strike, JustUs League, Washington Replacements
OUT: Striking Vipers, Top Shelf Stunners, Long Island Legendz, Royalty On Da Lanes, The Risen, Total Pin Destruction, Bulletproof, The Watchmen